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Just been to Tesco, it was nuts.They had no toilet paper at all. Reluctantly I headed for the checkout and asked if they had any. A firm NO was the answer.

Walking back to the toilets with my pants and trousers around my ankles was a walk I never want to do again.😂

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The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
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Don't go to the pub. Don't meet up with your friends. Don't come home with an infection. Honestly, Boris Johnson is starting to sound like my wife

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Man goes down to the George and Dragon for a lunch time drink but it's not open so he knocks on the door, an uptsairs window opens and a female leans out and shout's what the f do you want?, the man replies, is George in please.

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