same sex adoption

[mr.hobblesworth]

Anyway, let's discuss bookworm's concerns over all these couples comprised of 2 heterosexual men, who are not allowed to adopt a girl.

[Valenick]

Mr jobs worth you are pathetic abuse happens in every walk of life the home I work at is a great place to live we work damn hard with the kids taking them on holidays helping with school and we listen and understand more than most parents you know nothing of our home people like you make me sick

[geosname]

On many occasions when my Mum and Dad went to the Sperling in Norton I was left outside with some pop and crisps to play on the steps and railings. Never felt this was neglect/abuse and I still don't, and afterwards we all went to the chippy for a mixture. However my Dad never drank excessively (can't remember ever seeing him drunk) and my Mum could manage no more than a sherry.

 

Must be horrible to have drunken parents

 

My mother never drank more than half of shandy, except one Xmas when I got her a bottle of advocaaat [which she has never touched since] which was a mistake on my part. My father was the opposite end of the spectrum and was abusive in the extreme, the memories of the physical, verbal and mental abuse my mother suffered are seared into my brain... the moral?... abuse doesnt have to be directed at the child for the child to suffer.... the physical abuse abated when I picked him up by the throat when I was 14 and threatened to crush his skull with the hammer I had in my other hand... some of my mothers problems ceased as mine began... I had anger issues for many years.

[JOHNNYAITCH]

No children's home is a "great place to grow up", just as no institutuion is a great place to grow up, regardless of the quality of care offered. Stop making excuses/ interpreting for him!

 

Not doing anything of the sort and I'll post whatever I wish within the rules of this forum

 

I am fairly confident that at least one children's home somewhere is or has been a great place to grow up for at least one child.

 

Not as great as being with a loving, caring family of course

 

You're familiar with where he works? I'm not, so I make no comment on it

[JOHNNYAITCH]

My mother never drank more than half of shandy, except one Xmas when I got her a bottle of advocaaat [which she has never touched since] which was a mistake on my part. My father was the opposite end of the spectrum and was abusive in the extreme, the memories of the physical, verbal and mental abuse my mother suffered are seared into my brain... the moral?... abuse doesnt have to be directed at the child for the child to suffer.... the physical abuse abated when I picked him up by the throat when I was 14 and threatened to crush his skull with the hammer I had in my other hand... some of my mothers problems ceased as mine began... I had anger issues for many years.

 

A terrible experience..my parents (now sadly both departed) were absolutely wonderful and I am well aware how lucky that makes me

[mr.hobblesworth]

Mr jobs worth you are pathetic abuse happens in every walk of life the home I work at is a great place to live we work damn hard with the kids taking them on holidays helping with school and we listen and understand more than most parents you know nothing of our home people like you make me sick

 

Ha ha ha! I hope you don't help them with their English.

 

You have completely missed the point of what I'm saying, although I'm starting to believe that you lack the basic intelligence required to do so. Maybe actually try and learn a little of the effects of being a looked after child. I have nearly 20 years experience of working with LAC and most of that time has been spent in probably the best regarded unit in the city in which I work. We too help the yps with their schoolwork, take them on holiday and work very hard. However, in all my years of working I have never ever encountered a young person who thinks that being in a care home was a "great place to live". Every night they go to bed with the realisation that their parents are not with them and every morning they wake up with the same. Whilst it is indeed preferable for a child to be in care rather than being abused or neglected, this still doesn't mean that the care home is a great place to grow up. If, instead of spouting off with your angry and semi-literate nonsense, you took the time to look into the facts about how the care system impacts on young people - for example, around 75% of LAC have or develop some form of mental health problem, young people leaving care are 4 times more likely to commit suicide than those who live in the family home - you may think twice about making such facile comments. Holidays are great but there is a deeper, more intrinsic need that children have that you, a paid worker can never provide, even if you do "listen and understand more than most parents".

 

I don't doubt for one fraction of a second that you care a great deal about the children you look after, that you do your best and are committed and diligent. However, by believing that the home is a great place to grow up in or, indeed, that your hard work can be an adequate substitute for the unconditional love of a parent, you are extremely misguided.

[JOHNNYAITCH]

HmmMM

 

Well put but as for "that your hard work can be an adequate substitute for the unconditional love of a parent" he has as afar as i can recall never said that. Not speaking for him but I think that you are mistaken.

 

"around 75% of LAC have or develop some form of mental health problem" does that mean 25% don't. Does that mean some of those 25% thought the home they lived in was at worst OK and possibly even one thought it was great?

 

I don't dispute your direct experiences in any way and admre you for what you do and the passion for this that comes across but are you really confident that no child has ever found a care home to be a great place to live? I've no direct experience and no one in may family has been in a care home so I have no firm grounds to disagree just seems likley that some would find it a great place to live..even if they'd have preferred to have stayed with their parents.

[Paul6754]

Ha ha ha! I hope you don't help them with their English.

 

You have completely missed the point of what I'm saying, although I'm starting to believe that you lack the basic intelligence required to do so. Maybe actually try and learn a little of the effects of being a looked after child. I have nearly 20 years experience of working with LAC and most of that time has been spent in probably the best regarded unit in the city in which I work. We too help the yps with their schoolwork, take them on holiday and work very hard. However, in all my years of working I have never ever encountered a young person who thinks that being in a care home was a "great place to live". Every night they go to bed with the realisation that their parents are not with them and every morning they wake up with the same. Whilst it is indeed preferable for a child to be in care rather than being abused or neglected, this still doesn't mean that the care home is a great place to grow up. If, instead of spouting off with your angry and semi-literate nonsense, you took the time to look into the facts about how the care system impacts on young people - for example, around 75% of LAC have or develop some form of mental health problem, young people leaving care are 4 times more likely to commit suicide than those who live in the family home - you may think twice about making such facile comments. Holidays are great but there is a deeper, more intrinsic need that children have that you, a paid worker can never provide, even if you do "listen and understand more than most parents".

 

I don't doubt for one fraction of a second that you care a great deal about the children you look after, that you do your best and are committed and diligent. However, by believing that the home is a great place to grow up in or, indeed, that your hard work can be an adequate substitute for the unconditional love of a parent, you are extremely misguided.

 

You work in a care home looking after young people yet write such pompous, sarcastic and demeaning words to a fellow care worker, those comments and attitudes are not befitting anyone who works with or cares for young people.

 

What's the source of the figures you quote.

[mr.hobblesworth]

I guess it depends on how yopu define 'a great place to live. I was responding to the original claim that "I actually work in a children's home it's fantastic place to grow up the kids get everything behaviour dependant of course". With the home I work in, children will come back for many years after they've left, care deeply about the staff that have looked after them and state that they had good times (and best of all, that we were fair and listened to them). However, I still wouldn't take this to mean that it was a fantastic place to grow up; it's too tinged with pain and sadness and loss for that. I suppose just as an amputee might relish a prosthetic limb, or one of those poor kids that have to live in hospital may welcome a plusher, warmer nicer unit, it's good, it's an improvement but it's still not 'fantastic'. Ya get me?

[mr.hobblesworth]

You work in a care home looking after young people yet write such pompous, sarcastic and demeaning words to a fellow care worker, those comments and attitudes are not befitting anyone who works with or cares for young people.

 

 

But he called me Mr Jobs Worth and said I make him sick

[JOHNNYAITCH]

I guess it depends on how yopu define 'a great place to live. I was responding to the original claim that "I actually work in a children's home it's fantastic place to grow up the kids get everything behaviour dependant of course". With the home I work in, children will come back for many years after they've left, care deeply about the staff that have looked after them and state that they had good times (and best of all, that we were fair and listened to them). However, I still wouldn't take this to mean that it was a fantastic place to grow up; it's too tinged with pain and sadness and loss for that. I suppose just as an amputee might relish a prosthetic limb, or one of those poor kids that have to live in hospital may welcome a plusher, warmer nicer unit, it's good, it's an improvement but it's still not 'fantastic'. Ya get me?

 

Gotcha but it's for the kids to say whether it was/is fantastic or not....not anyone else.

[mr.hobblesworth]

You work in a care home looking after young people yet write such pompous, sarcastic and demeaning words to a fellow care worker, those comments and attitudes are not befitting anyone who works with or cares for young people.

 

What a load of utter bilge. My private and professional lives are seperate entities and how I behave on here has absolutley no bearing on my abilities or conduct as a RSW.

 

The figures I quoted are from various reports commissioned into investigating the impact of the care system on accommodated young people. There are loads and they all pretty much come to the same conclusion.

 

Anyway, I'm out. This thread is supposed to be about same sex adoption, isn't it?

[JOHNNYAITCH]

It's relevant though as sonme would 'seem' to be suggesting that it would be better for kids to remain in a home than be adopted by a same sex couple

 

Perhaps if they knew how awful a kids home is or can be they might, just might take a different view..so I welcome comments from those that have some first hand experience of kids homes

[geosname]

A terrible experience..my parents (now sadly both departed) were absolutely wonderful and I am well aware how lucky that makes me

 

Both my parents are still alive and amazingly still together.... my father has vascular dementia and has the memory span of a goldfish... my mother has Alzheimers... they spend their days arguing about a past he cant remember which she still does vividly ... sad really.

[Paul6754]

What a load of utter bilge. My private and professional lives are seperate entities and how I behave on here has absolutley no bearing on my abilities or conduct as a RSW.

 

The figures I quoted are from various reports commissioned into investigating the impact of the care system on accommodated young people. There are loads and they all pretty much come to the same conclusion.

 

Anyway, I'm out. This thread is supposed to be about same sex adoption, isn't it?

 

Personality and character oversee both private and professional lives.

 

So give a reference to the reports, they must have been published so an abstract at least should reside on the internet.