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Joe B

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Joe B last won the day on February 26

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  1. Joe B


    We've got grown men calling people 'dog poop' to try and score points on a football forum. For what its worth Paul; America is a complete laughing stock world over. Take care.
  2. I assumed you'd be against the identity politics nonsense that goes with 'white male' and 'left wing people have to be working class". Apparently not. Why would him being white, a man, and a knight prevent him from representing the working class? Starmer is an established, successful public servant who seems eminently qualified to lead a political party. I also fail to see why being a socialist would prevent him from being recognised by the Queen for his service to law and order. Are only Tories allowed to be honoured? Is he not allowed to be a socialist and have respect for his monarch, and therefore accept honours when bestowed on him? I'm not his biggest fan and have no real affiliation with Labour any more, just found this comment a bit bad.
  3. Still at the club, has been around the reserve squad this season. Still only 17.
  4. Strong memories as a young'un, sitting in the awful stand behind the goal at Valley Parade, and seeing Colin Miles absolutely eviscerate someone with a 2-footed challenge, and deservedly getting sent off. Vale fans clapped him off the pitch. That's all I have to offer.
  5. Joe B


    Strangely, we're owed £396,850 in a player transfer fee, as of June 30th 2019. Assume it was that young lad that went to Huddersfield. Club creditors dropped from £3.9m to £3.1, a bulk of that being owed to 'other creditors' (£2m), assume that's Norm. Ground appears to have been added to the club's tangible fixed assets.
  6. Joe B


    Synectics has loaned the Vale £1.2m. Don't know what for. Loss of £1.15 million in the 18/19 financial year, most of it could be a goodwill writedown Vale Park was purchased for £1m + VAT from Alchemy Land (Norman's company) on 7th May 2019. I've lifted this directly from Kieran Maguire, the football finance bloke, so I have no idea what it means. They're unaudited and lack detail, though I assume this is a by-product of the Chairman during these set of accounts, and we'll get more detailed ones next year. Kevin and Carol committed to financial transparency at their first meeting.
  7. Tom Conlon. His left-foot is excellent, but I've never seen a player so insistent on doing everything with his stronger foot.
  8. I couldn't deprive myself of so many years of comedy
  9. One of them was a manager of some Indian team, and another was a washed-up, foreign ex-pro. Can't remember which one. Along the lines of Igor Biscan, but worse. Think after Aspin left we nearly appointed a manager from like the 9th tier of football. Can't remember his name. His team began with an S, I think.
  10. Excellent, my bread and butter this. Might go on Mastermind with a specialist subject of 'Norman Smurthwaite being daft and/or stupid, 2013-2019'. Counting down from 10: 10. His plans to erect a two-storey pub in the corner of the Railway. At a time when the club was on its backside financially, pressure was growing from the fans, Big Norm saw fit to put planning permission in for a mega-pub. Never explained, never justified, just 'am building a big boozer'. Classic Norman. 9. Utilising Twitter to declare that 'Carlos Saleiro will take League 1 by storm', after a comprehensive scouting session involving his YouTube highlights and alledgedly clarifying his agent was Altrincham-based petrol salesman Saide Moussallati. Saleiro played once in the EFL cup, away at Carlisle, looked unfit, and left, promptly retiring at the grand old age of 30, 5 years after playing 40 games in a season for Portuguese powerhouses Sporting Lisbon. 8. Stating, confidently, to a packed room of angry Valiants, that he was going to take 'Port Vale back into League 1'. Gone within 18 months, having nearly liquidated and relegated us. 7. Begging Micky Adams to help him run a football club, whilst simultaneously refusing to give Adams a contract extension. On his knees, pleading "Micky, I don't know what I'm doing". 6. Accused of planning to sack Rob Page, live on BT Sports, if the Vale lost to Maidenhead, like some sort of tinpot Walrus-like Alan Sugar. 5. Telling Carol Shanahan to 'go back to her day job', via a gramatically poor text, as she offered to overpay ludicrously to keep Port Vale, and by extension Burslem, alive. 4. Banned the Sentinel from reporting on Vale games, and fell out with the local Police over paying Police bills. 3. Getting slaughtered on Rioja and allegedly being conned by some tinpot agent, putting on a bad Portuguese accent, that Jose Mourinho was on the line, urging him to appoint his mate Bruno Ribeiro as manager of Port Vale. Mourinho promised Norman friendlies and loan players from his other affiliates. A petrol salesman brings a van of 'professional footballers' from across the continent, and Norman puts them up in his own properties. A United Under-17 side showed up for a friendly, and not a crumb of loanee made their way to Vale Park. Norman later claimed he had been 'hoodwinked', in the first use of that term since the 19th century. Two players survived the season; one ending up in hospital, and the other booted out of the door within 10 games of the next season starting. 2. MR BLACK AND GOLD, MARK PORTER; YOU HAVE GOT YOUR WISH! FIND YOURSELF A BUYER. Absolutely superb meltdown, surpassing Keegan's 'I would love it' shambles, Norman rang the radio, on the verge of tears, voice quivering, as he announced he fancied letting the club go bust, and this was due to Black and Gold revealing his plans to do so the week before. The ever-so-clever, Machiavellian Mastermind had intended on doing it on the quiet, but accidentally informed half of B&G, the Supporters Club, and North London Valiants, prompting him to rationally and concisely explain that he held the cards here, and he was in charge. 1. Getting 'run over' (I use the term as loosely as I possibly can. The car came off worse) by a car, the night before the first planned protest, directly outside the premises of the business who wanted to buy the club, before ringing the club's media man to inform him of the accident. What he'd been doing, late at night in Burslem on a Friday, despite him professing to spend minimal time at the club, and him living in Leicestershire, has never been ascertained. There's so many more high points; his quest to sign a big-money striker in the guise of Achille Campion and JJ Hooper (Rob, I've found you your striker), his very intelligent manipulation of the budget in order to force Rob Page to leave so Operation I've Been Hoodwinked could be enacted, the fact that Tony Fradley will forever be a part of this club's history as a one-time club chairman (UPTHEVALE4EVA, IN CAPITALS, PUT IT ON YER WHATSAPPS, PUT IT ON YER SNAPCHATS, I'VE EVEN PUT IT ON ME LETTERS!), getting absoluted nailed in the Crown post-promotion when we all thought he was alright, the Jimmy Floyd debacle, the Texas Consortium, inventing a Hong Kong Consortium and pretending to fly over there to strike a deal as opposed to his actual destinaiton of the Iberian Peninsula, and several other events which I can't bring up but hopefully, with the passage of time, can be released. As a 23 year old now, Norman Smurthwaite oversaw the pivotal, formative years of my life, bumbling from crisis to crisis, always entertaining, often loathsome, perpetually an absolute p*ssser. Cheers Norm. I'll open a Sweetie Jar in your memory.
  11. Rob, can I put in a request for a thread on 'most farcical Norman Smurthwaite episode'? Got a catalogue of shenanigans to go through. Proper cathartic. Storming the supporters coach at Exeter doesn't make the top 10.
  12. Can't see past Mehmet. Just had zero discernible useful attributes. Was nervy, not agile, couldn't catch, no presence. The fact that Fasan, who was also bad, came back in and looked OK in comparison is testament to how bad Mehmet was. He's 27 and has 41 career appearances; 19 in the league. Peak of his career is either getting relegated with the Vale or plying his trade in the Scottish 2nd tier. That team under Michael Brown, after Alnwick, Jones, and Grant had left, was absolutely diabolical. Hooper as the main forward? Tanser at left back? Billy Reeves the midfield lynchpin? Absolute horrorshow. Proper bad. The debate of whether to start Cicilia, Hooper, or Paterson is the stuff of nightmares. Fans clamouring for Kiko over Tanser as he put one decent cross in during a home game. Axel Prohouly patiently waiting for his chance. A decrepit, finished Chris Eagles was the only decent player of the entire 11.
  13. Joe B

    Leon Legge

    Good. Good centre half and a good captain. Glad to have another year from him.
  14. Our finances are sound, thanks to the owners/bits of luck with cup draws. Correct decision has been made. Hope we all stay safe over the next few weeks. Considering we aren't expected to hit the peak of the outbreak till May, I can't see this season being concluded. Big decisions to make for the authorities.
  15. Initial reaction; confused due to the timing. Dig a bit deeper, and it probably makes sense. Stockport have obviously decided to go for it and needed a Mancunian, proven at National League level, to be willing to up sticks mid-season, drop a division, and fire them over the line. They were willing to pay a fee to secure this. This is helped by the Gannon-Bennett connection. From the Vale's perspective, you had a third-choice striker, never going to be good enough to be a consistent starter, who is 29, and had another year on his contract. To be offered a fee for him, after signing him on a free, and to offload his wages for next season is an opportunity we wouldn't receive again; the fee-paying is probably a result of County's desperation to get in the playoffs, and we've taken advantage of it. Obviously a big chance for Archer, who didn't impress in his loan spell, to get some minutes under his belt; its undoubted he's got some modicum of ability, but is it enough? In terms of Richie; I've never had any issues with him. He's worked hard, appears to be a good character, and his performance vs FGR kick-started the season and his brace vs Exeter set us off on this good run which has us grasping at the playoffs. Should we end up securing top 7, Richie definitely had a decent part to play in it. A goal every 295 minutes isn't great, but not atrocious either. Hope he does well. Really hope this doesn't backfire; Pope could get banned any day, Cullen struggled with injuries at the start of the season, Archer is a real unknown. If Pope/Cullen see us through, its a good bit of business, but there is definitely risk involved. Trust Askey and Carol to get it right, though.
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