Tannoy Substitute

Tannoy Substitute

In Barry’s latest verse there are alleged clangers, the rumour mill talking about a potential coup on Gobbyash‘ job, two canines; one from Smallthorne, the other from the land of male voice choirs, and a scoreless draw.


It’s Saturday afternoon the 23rd October, 2004 and out in the middle of Vale Park the ‘Lads are hosting Stockport County when Smallthorne Dog thought he was having an out of body experience until he realised it was a new and strange voice shattering his dulled senses courtesy of inactivity on the pitch. But wait, I’ll let SD’s ovf Forum posts tell the story.

Tannoy Substitute

It’s midway through the second half
My ears lift to the wind
To hear a sound that’s new to me,
It is the strangest thing.

The nervousness was evident,
Reluctant is the word,
With halting speech and pauses long
It struck an eerie chord.

To seek and find I sniff the air
Across the Hamil wide,
Then all at once I realise
It’s from the Lorne Street side.

Announcing who was coming off,
A substitution change,
Was the voice of Taffy One Eyed,
Who’s also known as Jaymz.

When the game was done and dusted,
A dull and scoreless draw,
I padded down to ‘Cheadle’s Bar
To quaff a drink or four.

But the post match conversation
With others of my kind
Was such to make me slip my leash,
Or go out of my mind.

The talk around the rumour mill
Was of a Taffy dog
Plotting an ugly coup attempt
For Gobbyash’s job.

I nod and frown and look alarmed
Whilst thinking to myself
‘Despite the clangers One Eyed made
He could be from top shelf’.

I know he’s Taffy African,
A little muddled up,
But that is understandable
‘Cus he’s a Biddulph pup.

And though I sound a traitor folks
It really does make sense
To have a decent substitute
Sat on the Tannoy bench.

He’s not as good as Gobbyash,
Of that we all agree,
But then again when said and done
He came to us for free.

For starters One Eyed’s repertoire
Could be a telling blow
To stir the crowd back into life
When things are somewhat slow.

He could change the English format
To Welsh or African
And stop the doubters in their tracks
This lad of Calon Lân.

Today he did the job for us,
And shaking it no doubt,
But if Gobbyash was absent
He’d give a decent shout.

So for those who doubt our One Eyed
Would you please give it a rest
‘Cus in our time of crisis
You know he’ll do his best.

With that dear friends I’m off to bed
It’s getting very late,
Sincerely yours from Smallthorne Dog
Your Valiant canine mate.

Barry Edge
Western Australia
October 25, 2004


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