Moaning Minnies

Moaning Minnies

What would you do if you scooped the big lottery? Party for sure. But then what? What would do when the celebrations are well and truly over? Well, there are at least two Valiants who’ve told onevalefan exactly what they would do with some of their new found wealth.

It’s an old chestnut I know. But at 1622 and 1628 hours respectively on Tuesday 16th November 2004 ‘Fitztight’ and ‘tisdeano’ again raised the issue of ‘What would you do if you scooped the Lottery Jackpot?’ For ‘Fitzy he would anonymously donate up to a million quid in our beloved ‘Club. ‘Deano, on the other hand, says he would buy the remaining shares and organise an executive box for himself. But, asks ‘Valiant’, would that be enough to please everyone? Let’s go and find out.

Moaning Minnies

If Fitzy won the lottery,
His pockets full of pelf,
He tells us he’ll be generous
In sharing out his wealth,
He’ll organise a cheque to go,
Anonymous of course,
Made out to Port Vale Football Club
And future League One force.

He makes it very clear to us
It’s just philanthropy
And knows that what he gives away
Again will never see,
But that’s okay he says to us
With hand placed on his heart,
He knows the money will be used
For Port Vale and Vale Park.

Now Deano gives another view
With money such as that,
He’ll be in touch immediately
With main man Mister Bratt
To snaffle up the other shares
And organise as well
An Exec box for twenty years
And be a Burslem swell.

On top of which he will arrange
To form a company
And sponsor all the players’ shirts
For a substantial fee,
A Company so Limited
And called ‘Owned by the Fans’
With a national reputation
Just like the Leyland Vans.

But some would not be satisfied
With all that could be done
By Fitzy and our Deano if
The lottery they won,
They’re blinded by their bigotry,
They can’t see wood for trees,
They’re known as moaning minnies,
They’re very hard to please.

They moan because the pies run out,
Of queuing in the rain,
And how since Johnny Rudge’s day
We’ve never been the same,
They moan about the current ‘Board,
They moan about the ‘Lads,
These moaning minnies know their mums,
But do they know their dads?

They’ll moan that Fitzy is too tight,
That Deano is a snob,
They’ll want all of their money,
Every quid, every bob,
On top of which they will demand
Promotion straight away
And if that didn’t happen folks
You know just what they’ll say.

They’ll say the ‘Board will have to go
And Straight-away at once
And tell us quite emphatically
The ‘Board’s a clueless bunch,
But let me state right here and now
The opposite is true,
Yes, it’s all those moaning minnies
Who haven’t got have a clue.

Barry Edge
Western Australia
November 18, 2004


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