Ladies of the Night

Ladies of the Night

Exiled Valiant Barry Edge lives in Perth, Western Australia and is a regular columnist for onevalefan. For Barry onevalefan is ‘the forum’ for all things Port Vale. But folks, there’s more than just football to read and have your say about – as shown in this latest verse from our resident bard.


On Tuesday 22nd July, 2003 Paul T Vale announced that he and Lodge Gate would be in town for the first game of the season and was seeking information as to the best place to stay overnight. Trent Vale Chris recommended a couple of places. But Paul was very quick to give both the thumbs down. Then Jon de Scarth suggested a possible B & B in Hanley. However, cautions Scarthy, Lodge and Paul must always be alert if out and about at night because certain streets in the City Centre have succumbed to an age-old trading custom.


Ladies of the Night

They’re saving up their pennies
For an August football trip,
A weekend up in Burslem
With very little kip,
Yes, Paul T Vale and Lodge Gate
Are planning well ahead
For a decent beer and curry
And a comfy little bed.

But where to park their bodies
Required much more thought,
So a message to onevalefan
For information sought
About the several hostelries
In the local ‘Keep’
To rest their weary bodies
And to snatch a few hours sleep.

They say that any local pub
With a bathroom and a bar
Is better than the prospect
Of sleeping in a car,
And depending on the tariff,
Plus the closeness to the ‘Ground,
Determines how much pleasure
They will get for every £pound.

Trent Vale Chris was quick
To offer his advice
By saying ‘Try the Salvo’s,
They are really very nice’,
Then as an afterthought
Says ‘Join the hobo set,
But don’t forget to bring with you
A bottle of Chateau Meth’.

The George in Burslem Town,
Or the Sneyd could do the job,
But the first is too expensive
So the latter gets the nod,
But then again, there is one more,
Three ‘Diamonds’ they do tell,
And found in Marsh Street, Hanley,
Known as the Star Hotel.

It’s a little ‘Bed and Breakfast’
According to our Scarth,
Two minutes walk from Tesco
And near ‘Forrest Park,
‘But please beware’ says Jonathan
‘And keep your wallets tight
From those other local traders
Known as Ladies of the Night’.

Scarthy knows about these things,
At least it seems that way,
And his knowledge serves to warn
Lodge and Paul not to stray
Into the arms of women
Dressed in scant attire
Around the streets of Hanley
With bodies flagged for hire.

Cobridge is no longer
The favourite ‘flesh’ parade,
It’s now in good old Marsh Street
Where these ‘ladies’ ply their trade,
But hang about Lodge and Paul
You really needn’t worry,
You’ll be skint and too exhausted
After football, beer and curry.

Then Jon proceeds to say
He knows the area well,
Having worked in nearby Hope Street
Other stories he cold tell,
The one that he recalls
Could have caused him lots of grief
For he was walking with his ‘other half’
When a ‘working girl’ did meet.

It was a Friday night last summer
And near the Dudson Centre
When a girl approached and said ‘Hi Jon’,
For whom he’d been a mentor,
Yes, a student he’d enrolled
In basic daytime studies
Was ‘on the game’ in Hope Street
With other streetwise buddies.

No sooner had she said hello
It was over in a flash,
She gave them both a fond farewell
Then took of with a dash,
And thankfully, says Jon,
There’s no secret to confide,
And his ‘gorgeous other half’
Saw the funny side.

Paul T Vale said thanks
For being very kind
In providing information
To help make up his mind,
For no longer does he need
To further look around
After checking with the Sneyd Arms
In nearby Tunstall Town.

The tariff for a double room
With an en-suite seems okay
And includes a decent breakfast
To send him on his way,
But if he shares facilities
Money he will save
To spend on all those other things
His heart’s desires crave.

Then our exiled Paul
Sounded an alarm
By stating that the other guests
May not be so calm
If the towel around his birthday suit
Should fall where he was standing,
Or they saw his dangly bits
As he walks across the landing.


Now we all know that onevalefan
Is an independent ‘View
Of everything Port Vale’
For folks like me and you,
But now and again, just for a change,
We get a little fright
With naughtiness and frillies,
And ladies of the night.

Barry Edge
Western Australia
August 4, 2003


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