His Favourite Word Was Rubbish

His Favourite Word Was Rubbish

Blimey, no one is immune from Barry’s acerbic wit. This time he picks out one of the Directors of Port Vale FC for a cameo spot on onevalefan.

You won’t read about it in the Sentinel. But you most certainly will on OVF.


It seems Paul H, well known and easily recognised fashion guru from the Hamil region of the Potteries and a Director of Port Vale FC, was sitting in the crowd at the Hartlepools game being entertained both on and off the park. Okay then, perhaps off the park and courtesy of a well dressed gent sitting just behind him giving a monologue of opinions on the day’s play. Here is Paul’s story.

His Favourite Word Was Rubbish

He was sitting just behind me
In Hartlepools today
And had his own opinions
About the state of play,
His favourite word was ‘Rubbish’,
He really was the most,
And even said that he was pleased
When Cummins hit the post.

I guess they were opinions,
A northern voice to boot,
With ‘Rubbish Vale’ and ‘Rubbish Pools
He really was a hoot,
A monologue continuous
Much better than Five Live
That if I didn’t laugh at him
I think I would have cried.

I turned and gave a steely eye
And asked him with intrigue
To tell me of the whereabouts
His team was in the ‘League,
But his answer left me puzzled,
My mind was in a mix,
Saying ‘If we win tomorrow
We’ll move straight up to sixth’.

Unless I’d missed a trick or two
The game was here and now
And I’m staring at the punter
From behind my furrowed brow,
But before I got a word in
He added with some boast
That he truly meant ‘United,
But further up the coast.

By now it was quite obvious
It wasn’t Vale or ‘Pool
That he was going on about,
I felt a proper fool,
Yes, the punter sat behind me,
Neatly dressed, dandy fine,
Was referring to Newcastle,
Newcastle by the Tyne.

I should have left it there and then,
But no, I wouldn’t quit,
‘Newcastle is your team?’ I ask
And fidget where I sit,
His answer was ‘I own the ‘Toons,
Each player, every ball’,
Yes, it was the one and only
And well known Sir John Hall.

Barry Edge
Western Australia
November 3, 2004


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