Derek, Smithie Was Gutted Too

Barry invites you all to spare a few moments to share Smithie’s sojourn in Tommy Cheadle’s after our magnificent win over Walsall last Saturday.


On the way to the game you pick-up a match day programme and, if on sale, a copy of Derek, I’m Gutted. Okay, so you miss out on the ‘fanzine. Not to worry because there may be some left in Tommy Cheadle’s after the game. Well, according to Richard Smith, he did drop into Tommy’s to purchase a copy of Andy McCormack’s ace Fanzine. This is his story:

ps Tosh and MarkyBoy briefly feature in the last two stanzas;

pps I hope Andy McCormack will forgive my play on words in the poem’s title;


Derek, Smithie was Gutted Too

The game all done and dusted
And a victory to ‘Vale
He dropped in Tommy Cheadle’s
But not for want of ale,
His want was much more urgent,
And one to make him glad,
To grab a priceless copy
Of the Port Vale Fanzine ‘mag.

It was ‘Derek, I’m Gutted’
That Smithie wanted most,
The finest of all fanzines –
And that’s no idle boast,
It’s crammed with lots of stories
Plus jokes and cartoons too,
They aint got nothing like it
Down at Stoke or out at Crewe.

Smithie stepped up to the bar
And asked his question clear
“Is Derek, I’m Gutted
Available in here?”
But little did he know
New people were on tap,
The Ford Inn up in Smallthorne
Now provide the bar room staff.

The lad behind the bar
Seemed taken by surprise,
His brow began to furrow
As he narrowed both his eyes,
Then turning ‘round to scan
All the bottles on the stands
Regrettably announced
‘We’ve just the usual brands’.

At any other time,
On hearing this reply,
You wouldn’t be surprised
To see a grown man cry,
But Smithie stood his ground
For he is made of sterner stuff,
Not for him the rushing off
To jump into the ‘Cut.

The southern country boy
Who stood behind the bar
Was simply not aware
Of Burslem’s fanzine star,
Yes, that man who tells it all,
The zany and insane
Of all things Black and White,
McCormack is his name.

‘Hang about’ says Tosh ‘There’s
A better way to cheer,
Next time you visit Tommy’s
Fill your fist with ‘Deker’s Beer’
We’ll make it just as famous
As any ‘beer’ around,
And certainly more so
In good old Burslem Town’

‘Finally’ says MarkyBoy,
In a message to our Glenn,
‘Next time you drop in Tommy’s
You will need a felt tip pen
To change the banner wording
So that everyone can see
The mighty Valiants name
Has an a…not an e’.

Barry Edge
Western Australia
October 6, 2005


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