Those who have been raised by stepparents and those who are ones, know a thing or two about the challenges both stepchildren and stepparents usually face.
Most often, adults struggle to get across to their stepkids and thus are very likely to get though with them. Finally, they get very upset when their new family doesn’t size up to their expectations.
There will always be stepmothers who have a hard time finding a common language with their stepchildren. These women often face criticism on how they cook, do laundry, spend money, etc. When nothing seems to get better, they start looking for divorce preparation services as they know for sure that their partners will always stand up for their little ones no matter what.
If you happened to be a stepmom who comes to the edge but still doesn’t want her marriage to end any time soon, you should do your best to reach out to your stepkids whatever it takes. The below-mentioned tips will help you get on your stepchildren’s good side:
Don’t expect your stepkids to call you mom
No matter how much you love these little ones, you should put up with the fact that you are not their bio parent. And expecting them to call you mom hardly you have married into their family is unreasonable, mildly speaking. Perhaps, just like you, these kids have gone through many divorce-related difficulties and thus they need some time to get back to normal life. The best you can do after filling out divorce forms with your ex and remarrying their father is to give them as much time as they need to get used to the idea that their dad doesn’t love their mother anymore.
Don’t try to discipline your stepchildren
You mustn’t try to discipline anybody especially in the early days of your living together. Leave this to the man of the family. Before you can discipline your stepkids, you have to gain much more than their affection. Until they have respect for you and come to trust you, you cannot ask them to obey you. Of course, you can discuss some ground rules with your spouse, but you cannot discipline kids when they break them.
Never bad-mouth your partner’s ex
Depending on how smoothly your spouse’s divorce has gone, – whether he benefited from filing for divorce without a lawyer or had a contested case – there can still be tales of the past that your couple has to deal with. When your partner fights with his ex by the phone, remind him that his little ones are around. Also, never say anything bad about his ex in front of your stepchildren.
Treat everybody equally
If you have kids, make sure that you don’t set them above your stepchildren. You and your mate should learn how to treat all the children in the household equally so that their life doesn’t feel like a competition. So and in no other way, you can build strong family relationships. Let your stepkids visit their mom and use this time for yourself and your little ones. And after they come back home, never overstate the great things you were involved in while they were out.
Don’t let your emotions run away with you
Every time your stepchildren go crazy or say that they wish you and their father got divorced, do your best to suppress your anger no matter how high your emotions are running. Tell your husband about this and let him talk to his kids by himself. Truth be told, even if you did nothing wrong, you would always remind these kids about their parents’ decision to prepare a do it yourself divorce packet and get divorced. So, the best thing you can do is to wait until they get used to the idea that from now on you live under one roof with them.
Don’t make your husband choose between anybody
Remember that loving parents always choose their children no matter what. So, be mindful and never put your better half in an awkward position by asking him to choose between you and his children; otherwise, you are going to lose. After all, if anybody asks you the same, what would you do?
Don’t expect your stepchildren to be grateful to you
It usually takes much time to cultivate a habit of being grateful to someone in kids, especially when this someone has recently married their dad. So, don’t expect your stepchildren to thank you for all you do for them; they are just busy with school, friends, or whatever they do.
Never let money issues get in the way of your happiness
Discuss your family budget with your husband in advance. Your spouse might want to shower his little ones with expensive gifts and it is just fine as long as you are OK with this. However, if you think that your husband pours money down the drain, tell him about this but make sure that neither your kids nor his children hear your conversation. Never argue over money but also never turn a blind eye to something that is a bit.
Remember that your kids have stepparents, too
Whoever your kids live with, they have stepparents. Think about them as a part of a blended family. How would you like them to be treated? Do you mind them calling someone else mom? What ground rules do you want for them? Would you like them to hear how you and your ex fight over money or child-related issues? Answering these and other similar questions will help you decide on how you can make overtures to your stepkids.
Try to be patient, caring, and wise and avoid being judgmental whatever it takes. Whether you like it or not, you have to interact with your stepchildren and it would be better if you did this with pleasure. Whenever you feel insulted by something that your stepchildren say or do, remember that it was your decision to become a part of a blended family, not theirs.