My Shoes, They Didn't Match

SteveM had a top time with his university mates in Weatherspoons in Lancaster the night before he was due to front up for a job interview. Nothing new, you may ask? But Steve’s story is a real hum-dinger – a must read.


It is 10:36 in the morning on Friday May 6 and SteveM is asking onevalefan for rapid cures for the mother of all hangovers. Trouble is he is due to front up for a job interview at 12:30pm and very much hoping to get a job with a clothing retailer.

Did he get the rapid cures he asked for? Did he manage to drag himself along to the interview? Let’s go and find out what Steve has to say to us…

My shoes, they didn’t match

My head is full of drummers,
They are making such a din,
And I have got an interview
For a job that I must win,
My tongue is puffed and furry
And I’m leaning on the wall
For my legs are quite unsteady
And I am prone to fall.

Last night I had a drink or three
With some Uni mates of mine
In Weatherspoons in Lancaster –
A place to wine and dine,
The vodka flowed from pitchers,
The Red Bull just as fast,
Our mood was hale and hearty
And we had a wicked blast.

‘Tis morning three o’clock
And I’m staggering through the door,
My head is somewhat hazy
And spinning more and more,
My bleary eyes refuse to close
So that I can get some sleep
And I wonder if I’ll be on time
That interview to keep.


It’s tennish in the morning now
And I am still awake,
My stomach’s sending messages
It’s food that I must take,
I have a monstrous hangover –
It’s leaking from my ears,
My mouth and lips feel very dry
And my bleary eyes have tears.

I’m logging on to onevalefan
For the answers that I need
To help me through the morning
And bring me up to speed,
Yes, I’m asking ‘Forum members
Their ‘rapid cures’ to share,
For they are such a super bunch
And I know they really care.

The ‘cures’ are coming thick and fast,
I really am impressed,
But I’m really wasting time
And should be getting dressed
To go and have my interview
Just after twelve today,
But before I go I’ll share with you
Some cures that came my way.

A Burger King says Vale Babe
Will help to clear my head
And Stupers says try lemon quash
Before I go to bed,
For some a bacon buttie
Will ease this pain of mine
Whilst Wickers says the only cure
Is simply one of time.

Several Bloody Marys
Says ‘Billi with a smile
Plus mints to fix my mouth
Will liven up my style,
But toast sprinkled with resolve
Is Sage’s way to start
If I am keen to win that job
And be a man of mark.

But look, I’ve got to go now
‘Cus my interview a-waits
And I’m dressed in suit and tie
So I’d best be on my skates,
When I get back I’ll log back on
To Fielding’s onevalefan
To let you know either way
If I’m a working man.


My interview has come and gone
And I think I did okay,
At least he seemed to be impressed
With what I had to say,
But not before my heart
Well and truly skipped a beat
When half way through I noticed
I’d put odd shoes on my feet.

I looked him squarely in the eyes
And said ‘The latest news –
The cutting edge in fashion –
Is now to wear odd shoes’,
This bit about ‘the latest trend’
Did not fill him with awe
Because, you see, the interview
Was in a clothing store.


A weeks gone by and here I am
To share with you my news
That I am now a working man
Despite my ‘trendy’ views,
And whilst you gave me ‘cures’
To get me up to scratch
I’ll ne’er forget the day when
My shoes, they didn’t match.

Kind regards,


Barry Edge
Western Australia
May 15, 2005


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