Would you be a referee?

Would you be a referee?

Exiled Valiant Barry Edge lives in Western Australia and is a regular columnist for onevalefan. Here is another of his exclusive poems about being a referee.


Would you be a referee?

When checking Robbie’s message board
It really is a shame
To read the lucid language
Of some that seek to blame,
Yes, looking for a culprit,
And for many with one voice
If one stands out, without a doubt,
The referee’s their choice.

Now would you be a Referee
Making players toe the line?
Have you really got the nous
To call it right most of the time?
And could you match your wits
With the critics in the stands
Whilst waving cards at players
With a flourish of your hands?

Regardless of the game result
Insults you will hear
From both sets of supporters,
Some with bellies full of beer,
Like ‘Are your parent’s married?’
Or ‘Get a grip you clown!’
Plus, you’ll be the biggest joke
Since last the circus was in town.

When you call a foul
Some players will protest
Whilst others will applaud you
And say that you’re the best,
And all around the terraces
Reactions will be mixed
Including loud approval
To despair that you were tricked.

Some tackles are outrageous,
Especially near the head,
Would you listen to the stadium refs
And show the dreaded red?
Or amidst the ensuing chaos
With your voice now at a bellow
Bring everything to order
But only show the yellow?

Let’s say you miss an offside
That a linesman flags to you
And an angry touchline chorus
Shouts ‘You haven’t got a clue’,
Still, the whistle’s yours, the pass looks fine,
And you let the play go on,
When the ball goes wide, would you sigh relief
That no real harm was done?

You’re pointing to the dreaded ‘spot
As the time is running out,
And there’s tension in the stadium
As the offending player shouts
‘No way was that a spot kick,
You’re being treated you like a fool’,
Would you count to ten, restore the peace,
Or would you lose your cool?

Extra time has ended
You blow the final whistle
And the nerves of loyal followers
Are now extremely brittle,
For some will say you let the game
Go on for far too long,
But the winning side salute’s your style,
For them you did no wrong.

Again I’ll ask the question,
But before you answer please
Remember that the official’s lot
Cannot be done with ease,
Whether extra time, a penalty,
An offside or a free,
Plus many more decisions
Would you be a referee?

Barry Edge
Western Australia
February 15, 2002


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