No Burslem Duck for Paul

No Burslem Duck for Paul

Work place grievance issues, discrimination and religious intolerance, questions as to whether football is more important than any religion and is the FA Cup another form of reaching Mecca, plus keeping alive the faith of our fathers. Then there’s disappointment.

It’s all here.

In the early hours of the morning on the 6th November 2004 Paultvale shared with onevalefan the possibility that football is his religion with Vale Park his church.

Port Vale had been drawn against Kidderminster Harriers in the F.A. Cup to be played at Vale Park on Friday 12th November, 2004. It was to be an historic day if only for the fact that it was the first time the two teams had been drawn together in ‘League and Cup competitions. Paul was definitely going to be there. All that was needed was time off from work.

Let’s go and see how he faired.


No Burslem Duck for Paul

He was looking for the night off
To go to Burslem duck
To watch the mighty Valiants
Play Kiddie in the ‘Cup,
He gave his boss a full ten days
To answer his request
And would not let the matter be,
Would not let it rest.

In all the years that he’s been there
The rules of ad hoc leave
Allowed for four away at once
If targets they achieve,
But times have changed and ad hoc now
Is down to only two,
When his request came back to him
His name had been crossed through.

The Union Rep advised our Paul
To ‘phone his boss post haste
To say that it was life and death
With no time left to waste,
But then again, he told our Paul,
There was another way
To get his boss to see the light
With nothing left to say.

Now Paul was thinking thick and fast
About this little lark
That his religion is Port Vale;
His church is at Vale Park,
Paul tells us very candidly
He wears the right attire,
That his body bears the emblems;
His belly’s full of fire.

He likes the special festivals
Such as the F.A. Cup,
The Trophy ‘Vans, and playoffs too
If Vale is on the up,
He shares the lows, he shares the highs,
He loves to celebrate,
These are the things that he does best
When practising his faith.

If all else fails there’s one more ploy
According to our Leigh
‘Just say you’ve pulled a ligament,
Or bandage up one knee’,
‘On top of which’, says London Leigh,
‘My crutches you can have
To help you hobble into work
And make your boss feel bad’.

So first thing Monday morning folks
He knew what must be said,
He told his boss in muttered tone
His friend was getting wed,
Paul’s Union Rep had played a part
To get the Friday free,
The cost – a drop of Jamieson’s
Beneath the Christmas tree.

He’s finally got the night off
To go to Burslem duck
To watch the mighty Valiants
Play Kiddie in the ‘Cup,
But hang about, what’s this we hear
From Paul T’s other half,
He won’t be going anywhere,
He’s put away his scarf.

Her latest news tells us that Paul
Has been confined to bed,
A work related accident
Tore tendons in his leg,
On hearing this our London Leigh
Was feeling some remorse
For that bit about the crutches
Was banter, yes, of course!

The irony, the agony,
No Burslem duck for Paul,
When everything was said and done
It was a rotten call,
From Kirsty and the rest of us
In Fielding’s cyber room
We hope that you can get some rest
And get well very soon.

Barry Edge
Western Australia
November 15, 2004


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