Dan aka Supermonkey was not born in the Potteries, but he supports Port Vale and attended his very first game when we played Hartlepool at Victoria Park on the last day of season 2005/6.


One of the eccentricities that never cease to amaze is why folk not born and bred in and around the Potteries support our beloved Port Vale Football Club. There are many exiles and reasons as to why and some of them have already been chronicled on onevalefan.

It’s the ultimate game of season 2005/6 and we played out a one all draw against Hartlepool at Victoria Park. The usual away day culprits were there including uncle bede, Kirsty, Numeric Steve, Mark, Lauren, valelayday, mellor and gingersmum – to name just a few. In fact there was an official total of 444 Valiants cheering on the ‘Lads and one of them was for the very first time. His name is Dan aka onevalefan’s supermonkey – sometimes called funky monkey – and whilst this is his story, it is also a story about other Valiants too, particularly those from onevalefan. Enjoy.


He tells us it’s the first time that he’d seen the Valiants play,
And wants us all to know, dear friends, it was a magic day,
And from reports on onevalefan it seems he was a wag –
That day we played the ‘Hangers’ from the ‘Island of the Stag’.

He’s known as Supermonkey, but others call him Dan,
His accent tells you clearly he’s a north east coastal man,
In jeans of blue, and clothing green, our Funky Monkey stud
Was flattered when our Kirsty said that he looked very good.

So there he was in Hartlepool to see the Valiants play
And shaking hands and hugging was the order of the day,
But when it came to Kirsty our Bede yelled through the crowd
‘You can kiss her on the cheek, but tongues are not aloud’

The story goes that Funky had a sherbet, maybe eight,
So Mark and Lauren went and got his ticket from the gate,
And whilst they were away our cheeky little chimp
Had wandered to the nearest bar and necked another drink.

It’s widely known that Valiant folk are generous to a tee,
‘Though times we do the strangest things as you’re about to see
‘Cus Mark and Lauren, bless their socks, gave funky so much joy
When giving him a gift of a monkey hanger toy.

Who would have thought this north east man to mimic was his style?
For that’s just what he did, and it made our Kirsty smile,
But no matter how he tried his voice pitched to the sky
That if you didn’t laugh you would surely winch or cry.

Our super funky monkey was quickly in his stride
And joined in all the chants, waved his arms from side to side,
Then at the half time break Kirsty asked him what he thought,
His answer so delightful, it’s one that can’t be bought.

How strange it is this north east man, until that Saturday,
Had rarely watched a football match – ‘cept England when they play,
But there he was declaring that he was now true blue –
That from now on until he dies he’s Port Vale through and through.

Throughout the game he proudly wore a pin badge just to say
That he supported Tinman and the ‘Lads from Boslem way,
Another Valiant gift, from Valelayday we are told,
On the day of his conversion into the Port Vale fold.

But hang about there’s something odd, and we should know the truth,
The reasons why he loves us – this north east coastal youth,
He could have gone for ‘Boro down by the Riverside,
But chose instead the Hamil – home of the ‘Potteries Pride.

He worked with Jeff Smith’s girlfriend so checked with onevalefan
To see what we all thought, did this north east coastal man,
But what surprised him most was the welcome he received
From the strangers in the west who brought him up to speed.

And since that time he’s hung around, as super monkeys’ do,
To talk about Port Vale; to talk to me and you,
And one day soon I have no doubt he’ll make the journey west
To be once more with family at home with Burslem’s best.

Barry Edge
Western Australia
15th May 2006


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