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Joke thread


Jacko51

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8 hours ago, geosname said:

8:00 - I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

 8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

 8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

 8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

 8:22 - The transgender man..woman...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

 8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose,as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

 8:28 - I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

 8:31 - The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa.

 8:40 - The Police arrive saying someone has been offended.

 8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

 8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

 8:45 - TV news crew from the ABC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

 9:00 - I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobic, sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

 9:10 - I am asked if I have any accomplices. My children are taken by social services.

 9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded.

 

Moral: There is no moral to this story. It's just a view of the world in which we live today

With Birdy at the front

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an American, an Irishman, a scotsman and an Englishman were standing on the viewing platform of the empire state building. the American challenged the others to do what he could do, jump off the building, jump from cloud to cloud then return to the building.he did this and then challenged the scotsman to try it. the scotsman jumped and plummeted down onto the pavement below killig him. the Englishman thencame forward saying  "im English, we can do anything and more than .you yanks" with that he jumped and like the scotsman fell to his death. the Irishman turned to the American and said "  you know sometimes superman you can be a right bastard"!

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1 hour ago, Gungho_ED said:

I'm missing football so much during this lock down, i've now started dividing my day into 2 halves.

First half Caffeine. Second half Alcohol.

There are no other rules.

 

I pretend I'm a player/manager. I quite often pull myself off at half time. 

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4 hours ago, Playa Amodores said:

The wife and I were sitting at home and I kept flicking the tv channel over.

snooker,

porn,

snooker,

porn,

snooker,

porn, 

snooker,

When she shouted, just leave the bloody porn on, you know how to play snooker

It's Davis. He's got the choice. Pink or brown.  He's going for the brown.

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18 minutes ago, Gungho_ED said:

Since being in isolation, i've heard my Polish neighbours having sex everyday.

It isn't easy. 

I have to turn the telly right down and unplug the fridge

They are most making golabki on the table.... the bed.... the floor..... on top of the wardrobe

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Guy goes down the canteen, opens his butty box and takes a bite out of his butty, WTF, yuck, yuck he shouted. He calls his wife and asks, "What's on the sandwiches dearest",  "Crab paste" comes the reply, "Where did you get it from", "The chemist" came the answer.

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