Monday the 1st December marked a notable first in the history of Port Vale FC – a very first mention on classic BBC Radio Four comedy show I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue.
The show, which has been running for 42 years and this week’s episode was recorded in Hanley’s Victoria Hall earlier in the year.
You can listen to the whole show on the iPlayer here:
It is customary for the programme’s host, Jack Dee, to introduce a few facts about the place the show was coming from.
First, there was an introduction to the area… “You join us this week on a visit to Stoke-on-Trent in the county of Staffordshire. During the industrial revolution, Stoke was a major coal-mining centre. It was a hazardous occupation with the presence of poisonous and explosive gases. It was the mining engineer Thomas Alsopp who discovered that if he took a canary down a coalmine where methane or carbon monoxide were present the canary would die. But then he found it was easier just to smack it on the head with a hammer…”
This area can boast two rival football clubs, Port Vale and another one…
Then a gentle dig at rivals Stoke City… “This area can boast two rival football clubs, Port Vale and another one…”
Then it was turn of the Valiants… “Supporters of Port Vale were shocked to learn recently that in a training session the team were discovered having a kick-around with a hedgehog. And by the time the RSPCA got there, the hedgehog was winning 3-0…”
OK, it’s not one of the show’s finest gags, but as ISIHAC addicts (like the OVF editor) will tell you, being featured on the show is a rare privilege. Here are some of OVF’s other favourite moments.
Clue’s finest moments…
An introduction to a show broadcast in Nottingham in 1999… “It’s well documented that the city’s original name was Snottingham or home of snots. But when the Normans arrived, they couldn’t pronounce the letter “s” so they decreed the town be called “Nottingham” or town of Notts. It’s easy to understand why this change was resisted so fiercely by the people of Scunthorpe…”
From the Uxbridge English Dictionary round, where new definitions of words are offered (the words are best pronounced phonetically to get the joke)…
Metatarsals – went to Jeffrey Archer’s for drinks.
Eyewash – A washing machine designed by Apple.
Disappearance – To slag off someone’s attire.
Perversion – The cat’s story.
Truculent – That lorry you used to rent out.
Polygon – A deceased parrot.
Pastiche – What Sean Connery eats in Cornwall.
And of course, the near legendary definition…
Countryside – To kill Piers Morgan.